Especially on a momentous cleanse with great transition, there is bound to be all sorts of emotions that come to the surface that were lying dormant. That’s because we literally store our emotions in every cell of our body. In the cleanse process, you are releasing that which is NOT you, resetting your body to it’s norm underneath the layers of static and emotional debris that we tend to pile on ourselves over time. Whether it be sadness, anger, jealousy, fear- these things all tend to release themselves when on a cleanse.
I am certainly on that momentous kind of cleanse right now, birthing into a new life. And while it is exciting and enlightening, I am have definitely having my moments of fear this time around. Today, I was gripped by a fear that my past was going to haunt me and that I was going to fail in the same ways that I’ve failed in the past. And with nothing left to numb the pain such as wine or pot, I was left to myself to look at the fear straight in the eye.
Thankfully, sitting right next to me on my desk was a book by Krishnamurti entitled “Freedom from the Known.” If you are not aware of Krishnamurti, I HIGHLY recommend you check him out. In my opinion, he is the end of the line when it comes to Spiritual writing and thought, beyond all religious dogma, and even beyond Spiritual teachings that I subscribe to. Krishnamurti breaks everything down so simply and directly without any trappings of tradition, and profoundly pierces straight to the core of the matter. Check him out!
Anyhow, the chapter I opened up to was entitled ‘Self-concern- Craving for Position- Fears and Total Fear- Fragmentation of Thought- Ending of Fear’. I had to acknowledge that reading this at this moment was obviously the perfect thing for me to read. There was one paragraph that pretty much broke me out of my self-destructive thought pattern:
“Is Fear the result of thought? If it is, thought, being always old, fear is always old. As we have said, there is no new thought. If we recognize it, it is already old. So what we are afraid of is the repetition of the old- the thought of what has been projecting into the future. Therefore, thought is responsible for fear. This is so, you can see it for yourself. When you are confronted with something immediately there is no fear. It is only when thought comes in that there is fear.
Therefore our question now is, is it possible for the mind to live completely, totally, in the present? It is only such a mind that has no fear.”
At that point, I looked around my room and pondered the present moment in time and realized what an amazing situation I am in RIGHT NOW and that the thing that I was fearing was in the past and in the undefined future. Yes, I am experiencing challenges and bumps in the road- they are inevitable. But is the thing I was fearing present in this moment now? Not at all. And suddenly my fear went ‘POOF!’ and I was so much lighter.